What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 04:51
But, we were locked up after school.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She married twice! .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why am I so jealous towards couples? Why am I tired of being single and feel my life is over?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
How do I cope with the fact that I will never have a girlfriend?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Comes on , in middle age.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
What is the American mobile phone number format?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I waited trembling.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I write beautiful poetry .
Was to survive, this bastard.
She loved him until the end.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
How do you identify a woman player?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She found it foreign!.
Meet the "prince of dragons" that started the tyrannosaur dynasty - Earth.com
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
If an abortion doesn’t affect you, why do people make it a big deal?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He knew the spot.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My family never makes their pension either.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I said to her
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And i lived it daily.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was scared of men, in general
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She was in good health!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was very sick at this time too.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He resisted the act ,that day.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
This is soul school!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But it wasn’t much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It was going to be , some day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What did i know ?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We were not on the streets..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
When she asked me how she looked .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was 9 years of age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But ive been too sick for many years..
All the time i was locked up.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Put me off passion for life!!
Would this be the day?
Ive learnt so much.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So, i spoilt her more .
I will be 64.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I couldn’t, believe it.
One cannot live in the past .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I have no regrets .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I think the readers, may guess!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We all went to grammer schools
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She wouldn,t have been !
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was seconnd youngest,
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Who then, do I blame.?
I don,t even have a pension.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im still living with it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My life is so biszare .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So whats the point in blame.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only rule us 5 kids had .